


Tom Riddle the IT guy

by limeta



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: AU No Magic, Abraxas Malfoy is a Disaster, Alternate Universe - Office, Awkward Flirting, Good Tom Riddle, M/M, Memes, Modern Era, no magic, pepe - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-17
Updated: 2018-03-17
Packaged: 2020-12-22 15:35:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,694
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21079175
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/limeta/pseuds/limeta
Summary: Abraxas Malfoy has a crush on the IT guy.No magic AU. Office.





	Tom Riddle the IT guy

Abraxas Malfoy looks at Tom Riddle from his desk, watching the way the other man tinkers with Walburga Black's computer methodically, tuning her ranting out completely. The red firewall screen reflects in his copper eyes, giving them a bloody hue.

Tom Riddle appears like he could kill Walburga Black and continue fixing her computer, all while not saying a word or betraying a single thought.

Abraxas starts downloading porn on his computer so it'll slow down and he'll get a chance to invite the handsome IT guy. Is it the best plan? No, not really. It's simply all Abraxas Malfoy has.

While everyone's left for their homes he and Septimus Weasley (bless his heart he's trying not to be an idiot and is actually deciding to work) remain. Weasley sends him pepe memes. Abraxas ignores them pointedly, leaving them all on 'seen'.

His porn idea isn't working. It's taking much too long. Either porn has become computer-friendly or computers have become impervious to their lusty viruses.

Abraxas is desperate because he can't just _initiate_ a conversation with IT guy Tom Riddle! That's social suicide given how the man doesn't talk much and Abraxas can't keep bringing back conversations from the dead!

Not to mention that people are wary of Tom Riddle because he's one of _those_ people who aren't social savants. Sure, he knows his computer trade and he's climbed a long way from his orphanage slum, but some things are important. One can't speak openly with people who are slow. Or so Walburga Black (gone three times to sensitivity training, done her no good) likes to preach.

Tom Riddle has no family- even fucking Weasley has a proper family that people know! Tom Riddle, however, just drifts. Rootless. Handsome. Pretends he doesn't know what memes are. You can't work with computers and not know about memes. It's so contradictory. He must be lying.

Abraxas goes out of his way that night to destroy his computer. He smashes the keyboard with a fist, ignoring the horrified, yet aroused way Septimus Weasley is looking at him.

Tomorrow morning he calls up Tom Riddle, the IT guy.

''My computer's gone to hell.''

''I hope it's having a good time, there.''

''Please fix it, Riddle.''

He lifts his head from his pile of computer scraps – whereas everyone has their cubicle, Tom Riddle has some small room for himself which people have dubbed Tom Riddle's Batcave. Walburga has often made it her place to say that that's the one good thing. Segregation! Let the odd nobody tinker in his room, as far away from them as possible.

Walburga looks down on people who aren't old money. She must absolutely abhor the mere sight of social and economic climber Tom Riddle that keeps to himself.

''I'll be there to see to it shortly, Malfoy.'' Tom Riddle never calls anyone by their first name. He's professional. Succinct. Beautiful. Smart. Intriguing. Abraxas doesn't lack inspiration when describing Tom Riddle's mere existence.

The businessman looks around the bare room quickly, trying to find anything that might make him stay in Tom Riddle's company. Any conversation piece! Anything!

He can't find shit.

Life cuts him some slack finally and he's awarded by Tom Riddle – actual, infamous IT guy Tom Riddle asking him if Miss Black's (Walburga Black's) computer is operational.

Abraxas Malfoy can talk about Walburga Black for ages. He starts by answering the riddle that doesn't even make eye contact half of the time, more engrossed in some code he's writing on his laptop. Casually, without really meaning to, Abraxas eases into a chair near the information technician.

''What are you coding?''

''Malfoy, shouldn't you be working?''

''My dad's a co-owner of the company, like I care for work. Walbie and I are here just because our parents think we need to feel what earning for a living is like. Don't want us to be arrogant. Not that that works for Walbie. She's become worse when under stress.''

Tom Riddle doesn't say anything to that, just continues typing quickly. It's an art, watching such slender, elegant fingers push and prod at keypads.

''Would you like to go see a movie sometimes?'' Abraxas bravely asks and bites his lip in anticipation of rejection. Tom Riddle doesn't even look like he's heard him, too focused on his work. Seconds stretch uncomfortably into a minute before Tom Riddle turns to Abraxas, looks at his shoulder, nods, and says that he wouldn't mind going as long as it isn't an action film.

Abraxas Malfoy snaps his fingers into finger-guns to pretend shoot at Tom Riddle as he stumbles out of the Batcave, grinning like a fool the rest of the work day.

Tom Riddle goes to see what's wrong with his computer finally and Abraxas Malfoy really, really regrets downloading so much niche BDSM porn that's catered to a rather brutal audience. Especially because Abraxas Malfoy has cultivated a normal reputation in the workplace. He isn't as bad tempered as Walburga. Or procrastinator-y as Weasley. Or – god forbid – forgetful as Lestrange. That man has to be told what his password is every other day. Doesn't even know how to save things onto the cloud. Doesn't even know what the fucking cloud is.

Not that...not that Abraxas knows what the cloud is, either.

Tom Riddle finishes cleaning out his computer without a single word. Without a judgemental glance. Just works and leaves Abraxas with a simple nod. Though, he does comment that if he wants to hit things he shouldn't take it out on his keyboard.

Abraxas laughs a high pitched, agonized laugh that sounds like a mortified peacock.

Because of all things, Tom Riddle latches onto _that_.

At the end of the work day Abraxas realises he's not gotten Tom Riddle's phone number. He slithers over to the Batcave and sees the fabled IT guy tidying his workplace. He looks at Abraxas, but never makes eye contact.

''Um,'' Abraxas eloquently starts. ''I was wondering if we could exchange phone numbers. You know, for efficiency.''

''Efficiency.'' Tom Riddle repeats the word, as if wine-tasting it.

''Or you know, I want to send you memes.''

A scowl forms on his face then. ''I lack context for a lot of those. Please, refrain.''

Abraxas laughs loudly. He's always been told he has no indoor voice and the way Tom Riddle glares at him like he wishes to quiet him permanently, makes his laugh stop dead in his throat. ''Sorry.''

''I'm used to people being loud,'' one has to be used to it with Walburga Black working with them, ''I just hate it when they're loud on purpose to agitate me.'' Like Walburga Black most of the time is.

''I don't do it on purpose.''

''Only reason I'm still going to give you my number.''

Abraxas likes the sound of that last sentence a lot. They exchange numbers finally and Tom Riddle waves him off, having apparently dismissed him.

For a man that doesn't speak much he sure has a presence, Abraxas thinks appraisingly and hurries to the elevator first. He has a social function to run with his parents.

As the elevator music plays Abraxas takes out his phone, types a very informative text to 'Rion Black (he hasn't called the man Orion since their first awkward meeting as children) about how he's finally got over his crippling fear of Tom Riddle rejecting him and that he has his phone number! What a wonderful day!

That turns into the worst day of his life when instead of sending it to his best friend and confidant he sends it to Riddle. (He adds the O back to Orion later that same night)

''Noooo.'' Abraxas just says.

''NoooooooooOOOOO!'' He continues when Tom Riddle sees his message.

''NOOOOO!'' Abraxas Malfoy says with a voice that carries from the ground floor all the way up to the top floor where he works when Tom Riddle begins typing back a reply.

_lol_

Tom Riddle, the fabled IT guy, writes.

And Abraxas Malfoy really wants to kill himself.

But then later that evening while he's whinging to Orion Black another text message arrives from Tom Riddle.

_If you're free tomorrow after work you can come round my place to watch snake documentaries._

''Damn, snake documentaries and chill,'' Orion Black comments, reading over Abraxas Malfoy's shoulder.

Abraxas Malfoy blushes, getting as red as Weasley in the process.

Tomorrow, Tom Riddle doesn't even exit his cave. Den, really. Snakes live in dens. Tom Riddle isn't reminiscent of a bat. He's a venomous serpent that enjoys lazing in the sun and not causing people grief. Though, everyone knows that if they're not nice to him – just civil, really – that Tom Riddle manages to get back at them. But very, very subtly. Like when one boils a frog. Switches digits around and is a pest.

Except that one time when he just so accidentally forgot to give them the new wi-fi password. That was _cruel_.

After work, Abraxas pops by Tom Riddle's den and asks him if his offer still stands. Tom says it does and decides to drive them to his apartment. It's not crampt, but considering that Abraxas Malfoy lives in a manor – it's just…so…small.

Tom, like a good host, shows him around. Not that there is much to show because it's the size of Abraxas Malfoy's room and bathroom. In a corner near the television there's a snake habitat with a curled up, sleeping serpent called Nagini. Really weird name.

''Do you have any pets?'' Tom asks as he fiddles with his snake, checking if it's comfortable. After finishing his task he fetches them some snacks and sits down next to Abraxas on the leather couch. Abraxas helps himself to the food before answering.

''I have twenty five peacocks.''

''That's…a lot.'' Tom's copper eyes are wide, confused, but in awe.

''Yeah.'' Abraxas whispers and reclines into the couch, eating popcorn and watching snakes doing their snake things while a soothing voice narrates. Tom sits next to him. They're not touching.

Abraxas waits.

Nothing. No snake documentaries and _chill_. Just snake documentaries and chill.

Still not the worst first date he's gone on.

**Author's Note:**

> This is legit my favourite one-shot I've ever written so please if you like it yell because every time I go to reread it I just wheeze with laughter.


End file.
